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25/7

     I have been talking about needing a new set of perspective because something has been making me uncomfortable for the past few days. I am right now at a second skin, dry-painting humidity, place of a cafeteria, dead-center, with spitting mouths that anti-thermalizes and reverberates in icky sharpness of sound all around. I can't remember anything, but I remember that shoe-mark on my heart, the discomfort that struck. So I know that I would have needed the new set of perspective, because insofar, even if that leg does not burden me with the weight now, it was, and that before this perspective, if I don't find the negation of such, I will forever leave this mark on my heart, to treat it such.

    My discomfort formed from something similar I had a problem with before. To which I negated by leaving the scene. I don't think I have to face this head on again, but I knew, I just knew that is just somehow a fact of life. At least in a solipsistic way. I am reading about phenomenology in the book titled the 'poetics of space'. Perhaps, I can get out from the key words of existentialist or solipsism almost soon. So because of this 'fact of life', I can't get rid off, I wonder how I can find a new perspective to handle it as much as I can. But what does it mean to handle it?

    That's a whole new irrelevant topic, that I will talk about, which is... why do I even bother handling. This is of course, a new person I am talking about, that makes me think about other persons, that triggers a machine gun firing of guilts and sins. Maybe, I should change that perspective of guilt and sins. Maybe, I should not talk this way. Maybe, I should depersonalize. Maybe, I should be a fish. The handling part just means a new thought. I sound fucking insufferable I know when I say, I don't want to live; but I mean it as most people do. The new thought is just relief whilst I am. If that make sense. But if I could and I will hopefully, I will be non- soon. 

    Let's tear this down one by one, what is the discomfort?


re-reading this, I am sounding like someone I do not like. I am myself

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