Pers

I am always trying to reach myself, trying to make sense of things because I know I am not smart. Why am I constantly reaching for my desires that at the same time I do not desire? I feel like I am locked within things that destroy me and ruin me and does not let me know what is the greater good, that fulfills the good too rather than excuse it. The people that loves their ego into non-stop fear fulfilling life of survival, non-stop survival.  Right now I am inside my room and I am good. I have good music, and my health is at a soothe with a 7% menthol candy I suck. I had just taken a shower and my bed is at the coziest relationship with my skin. My relationships of myself and others denies itself of my desires are so far-fetched. I am delusional for thinking what is good. For thinking inputting good into people is good. I mean, I am not all holy. Even for action like murder, I think telling people to not murder or cause pain does not make me good. That's what I mean. I've give...

 Maybe I have been mean!!! But I know for sure I need a gun, a hypothetical gun to shoot at my loved ones' opps. I don't give a shit. Let me know!!!! I am angry at all there is because I blame them, I blame everyone for how I turned out. I blame everyone for who I am. I blame my design. BLAME is so fun!! It is the truth for everything!! and I am more than I am not. WHEN I am not. And then I will kill everyone inside of me, the everyone of me who I am. There is no one else to kill except me! Except me! because you are SO AMAZING!!!! Fuck you you fuck!! I am not this person I am not me. I was not like this. I was not like this I was not like this I was not like this. LET MY FATE BE DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I ALLOWED FOR. YOU HAVE LIED SO MUCH. LIED TOO MUCH TOO BE TRUE. SO what! Complain for what! Let me take them down embarassingly so I will be humbled after, and then I'll complain and then ILL DIE ILL DIE ILL DIE BUT I WONT BECAUSE YOU HATE ME> SO MUCH THAT I AM NO LONGER AN ...