Pers

I have another molted moment. Just now there was a guy who passed by and he sucks in his stomach. Like he was insecure. (I am at my part time right now). Anyhow, I am thinking back of how 'everyone is doing what will give their peace of mind' thought, of that perspective, or epiphany I had back then. Now, I'm redefining it. I have been in a tough moment with my boyfriend this past week. So I'm thinking that everyone is doing, with their very much sharpened and solipsistic way of seeing the world. Think about red sarah, you are red. You have always been red. But you are red with purpose. You are red, with a grey undertone. And that blue mood. You have always been red, you are red at soul. You have always been. That was always you. so my point, is to act nice anyhow. There is none to be known. Ingratiate like you're always grateful. There is always so much and too much and so much to take. So, let the cuts, cut you, as you are always cut. You are flesh sarah. You are ...

 My mind was clear last time. But I know it will ever so ever, murk. Like cleaning, you move the dust, recursively. The mathematics of solipsistic life.  I am now a lasting comfort more so than not. I have my partner to thank a lot for. I have find out so much of traversing of life through him.  That's all maybe. I am like a sway of a hello and goodbye, to which I'll never say. I am always Hotel, and Water. My name is hotel and water. At least for now. Hotel, water and warmth. Hotel, water and warmth. Hotel, water and warmth. I am hotel, sea and warmth.  I'm always hurt. But at least I'm not that guilty, or like discomfort like a vomit. But I have been discomfort like a hurt. It hurts me too. It hurts. 

 I have a 2024 resolution. I think that is it. Last year I planned to die. And I failed twice. Who knows for this year. This year. I want to live. But I want to live for one thing only. This year I want to dive. I want to be underwater. That is all.  I don't know. I'll find a body of water. Ill go there alone. Or if my love, loves. But I go there alone as a promise. I will be hugged by the pressure of the depth. The only thing that can choke hold me without violence.

I woke up crestfallen from yesterdays mood; which is a slight ache-y one. The kind that happens over and over again, you'd mistake the new physicals as a new circumstance. Regardless, physics is my favourite science. I am always dreading though. Waking up with society on my present. The kind of society I love. I plan yesterday for today's walk. But I did not plan for my food. The love gives me steer, to find nutriment. So, I get up to go. The restaurant I found through the screen, I saved a note from TikTok Places to go nearby LRTs. This time I chose Bangsar. Chinta, 160m away from LRT. Okay, set up and go.  At the bus stop there is a sense in the traffic, the sudden traffic jam calls out to me. 5 minutes turned to 15 minutes. Again, this is not the restaurant's review. Chop Suey's on my head, and Swans' White Light's album... the music is kind of feverish, so I turn to Jazz.  As I reached Bangsar, the sun is setting like a nap, kind and soft through the screen ...